Chocoholic | Chocolate lovers unite and share your fondue news and chocolatey recipes

Chocolate Noodles

Oh God, I heart noodles. Noddles in marinara, noddles in Alfredo, in soy, in meat sauce in most anything (but sweet and sour) just tickles my taste buds. And I've never met a noodle I didn't like. Make 'em a bit soggy to al dente, it doesn't matter I LOVE noodles. Cup of noodles... ramen-level even (though oddles of noodles beats them out) to my prized Yakisoba, I've had all kinds. Blame my old college days for coming up with creative meals on a budget.

So when I find out there is a such thing as chocolate noodles...I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. There are many recipes out there too; just take a bit of dessert cheese, flour and assorted items, roll them up into noodles (or use a pasta maker), boil like noodles, then create a dessert sauce.

It's like making your very own spaghetti, but not. And if you add in food coloring to the mix you can pull off some great chocolate noodles that resemble real spaghetti! Though I'm partial to the chocolate yakisoba recipes out there – assuming they are out there. Yakisoba is known for being the Japanese variant of Chow Mein, or fried noodles. Does a chocolate yakisoba omit the fried part to not melt the noodles down too much? Then again people can deep fry Twinkies so I guess anything is possible.

If I were to try this, I'd definitely need one of those noodle roller things. I am not that coordinated in delicate things (and I am lazy). The rest of the steps (namely the boiling of the noodles and melted sauce) shouldn't be too hard.

Chocolate Lava Cakes

When you first think of chocolate and lava, you might have an image of a fiery pit with chocolate oozing out. No? Well how about the rather savory dessert with a warm gooey center? Did I hit the nail on the head? Good.

Did you also know this awesome dessert was supposedly a mistake? In a very probably story, a chef was making small chocolate cakes. He had set up the timers and everything. Mixed the right proportions, filled in the ramekins. He watched it all, while trying to get another full course of food out to a bunch of dignitaries.

He probably was swamped, making sure the chicken breasts were cooked through and the wine was chilled, his understudies weren't spitting in the salads and was in general running around in controlled chaos. He figured of all that could go wrong, chocolate cakes – especially small ones – would be a OK.

And then disaster struck. He had everything down to a science only to find the insides of his cakes were not cooked through. In fact, they weren’t just slightly moist, they were liquid, yet clearly warm as if the heat didn't reach all the way through. But there was no time to start a new batch! The dessert course had to come out now!

So he did what any smart chef in a blunder would do – he created a new recipe. He plated two on each plate, cutting one open to display the oozing innards, doused both with powered sugar and garnished with some fruit. He then crossed his fingers and he came up with a name on the fly: the Chocolate Lava Cake.

And funny enough, the group brought it, allowing for this savory treat to be made and enjoyed today.

Chocolate and aliens

So, how was your Easter, Ostara, Bunny Day, and/or Chocolate Day? Mine was low key, with a few chocolates to be had...sadness. The day seemed to be ending on a 'meh' note until I was sent this amusing link. See, I like aliens. No, not in general, but the franchise. The creepy claustrophobic atmosphere, Sigourney Weaver in a role that would push for stronger female leads, the implied sexual themes in the huge set pieces, the gore without being overdone – all these elements made it a creepy yet well told classic.

Current filmmakers, take note.

Well, someone decided to do a short Easter version of the movie, remaking the key parts of the film with chocolate.

Now I wasn't sure how to at first take the idea of my beloved chocolate turning lethal, but the short made it look so deliciously evil. The special effects are decent, I mean it is a fan film. The helmet wasn't the best, but for what they had the actors pulled off the suspense. Then again, guy finds chocolate egg, pokes around in it, decides to eat it even, then bam! chocolate-made bug right on the face. I must admit, that was a nice touch, the chocolate facehugger. It kinda asks to be eaten.

Then they cut to the infamous dinner scene where the chestburster emerges. Except it's less blood-covered alien and chocolate covered vorpal bunny of doom! The horror on everyone's face (including the lady playing the Ripley character – she has her look spot on) was negated by the victim of the chestburster discovering his gut was edible. Of course if your guts were chocolate, would you simply not at least try them once?

Weird chocolate facts

Well, we already know that chocolate is poison incarnate to dogs. We also have heard of the use of said chocolate goodness for currency back in the time of the Aztec Empire. And we ALL are chocolate lovers here. But did you know:

Chocolate is the food of the gods? No really, Cacao beans come from a tree. This is well known. That tree is a species of the genus Theobroma, which literally translated is ‘food of the gods.’
The word ‘chocolate’ was derived from the Aztec word 'xocolatl.' Translated it means ‘bitter water.’
Americans clearly like less of the bitter in chocolate: 71 percent of American chocolate eaters like milk chocolate. This could be bad for those prone to acne…
Mind you, chocolate does not cause acne. Nope, all those warnings your mother gave you about eating too much causing breakouts is false. But, the milk in milk chocolate can cause acne. So Americans – less milk chocolate, more dark chocolate.
Chocolate also boosts a batch of other health benefits; it is an antidepressant for one. It also releases antioxidants that can prevent cancer and heart disease.
Chocolate was also involved in the creation of the microwave. No seriously, read all about it here.

So aside from being the tasty food stuff we all know and love, chocolate has a slew of historical antidotes AND it is good for you, in moderation. So, go grab a bag of (dark) chocolate and go have a sweet moment. Your body will thank you.

A love for fondue

Oh fondue. We have had some fun times together. You were so good to me when we had those oil broiled strips of meat before dunking them into wondrous cheese. Sometimes, to switch it up, you’d toss in pieces of bread, a bit hard from being toasted, but it would soften as the cheese sank into it. It was a strange process to be sure, but I assure you, dear fondue I enjoyed the introduction to you.

But then, I was shown again how wondrous you are! You simply changed the game up on me; instead of meat there was nothing but fruit. The fruit was OK on their own, some strawberry there, some banana here, even a few pieces of apples and grapes. No oil - I’d figure trying to fry fruit with that kind of oil would be considered strange – but instead some bowls of heated chocolate.

Tasty, fun, drippy, sexy and wonderfully rich chocolate. Just sitting there, melted and screaming for a finger to ‘accidentally’ dip in that soup of brown goodness. But no, it got better. We would spear those plain, boring pieces of fruit onto out fondue wands, then carefully put the fruit into the chocolate sauce, then turn it around in it, making sure the pieces was smothered.

Then the worrisome part – getting the stuff to not drip everywhere, lessening the goodness that went into one’s mouth. What a game that was, fondue pot. But patience rewards the patient as the chocolate would slightly cool, sticking to the fruit. And then you would pop the morsel into your mouth – ah sweet victory.

I love you fondue. Please never change.

Chocolate Cars

I have seen many things pertaining to, covered in, and even being filled with chocolate. Hell there is chocolate fashion. But I found something rather interesting. Chocolate cars. Yes, they are a thing. Lemme backtrack. I’ve seen chocolate mini cars made entirely as a desert, and a real car coated in chocolate.

Now the first question one would ask is ‘why’?

Cars are very useful after all and get us from point A to point B, but in general are just that. Transport. But as an edible? This place make sculpted cars made entirely of chocolate. Remember those Easter Bunnies you got in your basket every year? Well chocolatiers have molds for that.

But it gets even crazier. There have been on spec life size chocolate cars. As in:

A car was completely covered in a shell of chocolate or

A life size car created from chocolate. Now the regular sized chocolate was understandable. But the huge life size ones? One travel on carting that huge thing from bakery to table would suck. Then there’s the trouble of trying to eat it all before spoiling, melting or making yourself sick. And then there’s the whole ‘will you get sick’ part of it. That’s just the trouble with the huge life size hunks of chocolate (yeah I love chocolate but most humans have limits to how much they can consume). But the kind of chocolate cars with the stuff poured onto a real car –often for display purposes – cleaning that stuff will not be a treat.

Chocolate? For pets? Think again.

Chocolate. It is the one sweet that I can eat daily and feel content. It tastes good and even has been scientifically proven to keep us heart healthy and lowering blood pressure. So such a sweet tasting thing to us should surely taste awesome to your pets - especially dogs and cats.

And since when have you seen a dog say no to anything?

Apparently you forget that same dog will EAT anything, and trusts you. Seems the wonder that is chocolate = deadly poison. I thought this was a simply, terrible rumor but it is true – your small furry friend can die from that chocolate rush. Aside from the antioxidants, mood boosting abilities and good taste, chocolate (especially dark chocolate as it is 65% cocoa) also contains theobromine a stimulant that gives us a great buzz. But to dogs and cats in particular that stimulating high is like taking an 8ball to the heart.

The rush becomes more of a shock to the system as pet metabolize theobromine way slower than humans. They convulse, shake, vomit, and have a high chance of going into cardiac arrest. It takes over 35+ hours for a dog to be able to burn though all that stimulate, while meanwhile the poor thing is rocking around trying to stomach the effects.

So the next time you are eating some choice chocolates and Fluffy stares at you with ‘that look’, don’t give in. Remember, you are their caretaker. Rather they look sad than grow deathly ill.

Chocolate Flavored Wines

I mentioned the fun to be had with chocolate wine in an earlier post, as well as chocolate candy wine. But today, I’m going in head first in drinkable chocolate wine. There are a few out there – most of them fall into the desert wine category. As in, they are meant to be paired with well deserts. Note that desert wines tend to contain less alcohol than in normal wines, so don’t expect to get absurdly drunk.

I have seen wines and chardonnays; but the places that make them seem to be overseas so promotion is sparse. A few companies do import them, but the reception is a bit meh. These places tend to instead of allowing direct orders to sell them in random specialty stores. Drinks such as Chocovine peak interest because hey – we all like chocolate here. And wine…why not.

But then in reading the label you get the feeling there is no actual chocolate in this drink. Just some artificial flavorings going by the label. In fact said label gives me a Boone’s Farm vibe. Not terrible but very low brow. I mean Boone’s Farm back in my college party days was the cheapest way to get drunk from a $3 bottle. This looks like all of the cheapness and none of the drunkenness. And from some places the taste…isn’t the best. Maybe paired with a few other drinks and this wine can be doable?

I dunno. The wine is almost teasing me though. Taste me. Don’t taste me. Do ettt!?

Chocolate Snails

"The odd thing is this is mostly only heard of in European countries. "

Have you ever heard of chocolate snails? Does the words ‘chocolate’ and ‘snails’ together make you cringe? Whelp, don’t worry; all is not what it seems. The ‘chocolate snail’ isn’t a real snail at all but more an artful decoration made by molding chocolate into well a chocolate shape. The full on melted chocolate types seem to require a mold; though I haven’t found any mold in a shell like shape to use. I just wonder what type of chocolate was used as melted chocolate tends to be…finicky.

There’s another variation is of a chocolate bread resembling a sweet bun but instead of frosting and cinnamon, you have chocolate in-between the layers of bread. The name in this case comes from the swirl shape of the cut bread resembling the swirly brown on a snail’s shell.

Now, you’re probably wondering – these recipes are a mimic of snail based food. Considering that there are actual chocolate covered edible bugs that exist, and escargot is still the rage in France, I’m surprised no one actually made the real deal.

The odd thing is this is mostly only heard of in European countries. Then again in the US all were have are frog legs – we must be a more literal area than Europe. They are also are rather easy to make. One recipe only requires you to use ready-made crescent dough, some chocolate chips and some sugar. Simply roll the looser ingredients onto the crescent dough and roll it into a thick spiral, then cut into circles; bake. Ta da!

The Things one finds on Etsy

I decided to go along a different tack for this week’s article. I point to crafter site extraordinaire, etsy. Known for its homemade craft items for sale, many an inventive and creative people sell their wares here where the general buyer is in fact looking for said items. But crafting isn’t limited to artists and clothing makers – a good number of cooks list on etsy as well.

Remember that edible iPhone I linked a few posts back? Well, there’s a whole lot more where that came from. There are so many wondrous treats on here. Many are made with free trade and gluten free materials, catering to the health and people conscious chocoholics out there. Simply made chocolate treats such as these turtles make my mouth water. A ¼ lb order is filled to the brim with cashews, caramel and chocolate.

Or try these huge chocolate sandwiches – it’s like having two chocolate treats in one! A smaller oreo cookie-esque sandwich is covered with chocolate chip batter; it can be eaten warm or frozen. Either way just imagine the tasty gooey goodness of the cream middle only to get hung up on the dark chocolate then the chips!

Or if you want to think bigger, this massive chocolate cake will do. Full of pistachios, chocolate, and vegan love, this if this cake can’t quell your cravings, nothing will.

And when you hit that inevitable chocolate coma, this iPhone case (painted to resemble a bar of chocolate) can go with that iPhone. No, a real one :D

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